My feeling this point

I am dishonest on my financial situation to my family. Other things, I am not lying. All lies stared with a small lie.
I think I am destroying my family because I betray their trust.

I am not a good father anymore. I took away their education funding and losing it in the stock market. I just not able to get out this big hole and it become more like evil people.

I feel so sorry to my wife and three young children. I loosing my really face to face them. I have to make up a face to face them. Don’t want them to know the evil side.

Should I stop my life to stop me become to an evil people? I don’t want to give up but I just can not control myself in the stock market. I tried to get some loss back but loss more.

I loss my hope and I don’t know what to do.